I just had to tell someone.

General BS :bull: and other irrelevant chit-chat :kumbaya:
Teethgrinder

I just had to tell someone.

Post by Teethgrinder » Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:29 pm

Seeing that this is Jo Momma, I felt I had to put this here. If you are skittish about the words "scalpel" and "balls" in the same paragraph, you may not want to read. If not, enjoy!

I got me a vasectomy today. It's been planned by Wife and I for a while, and the irony that it was done, for all real intents and purposes, on Father's Day is not lost on us. She made the appointment for me a while back with a doc in Frederick. I never would have made it. I can't be bothered with phonecalls, consultations, time off, etc., so she found a doc that fit the bill: consultation and procedure at the same time, Saturday appointment.
I have no real fear or worry about pain, so I didn't fret much going in to the office at 11 this morning. At 11:15, we were escorted to the doctors real office and sat down in front of him. Dr. Couch is an old man, maybe 75. His credentials from Duke lined the walls, and he came strongly recommended. Now I see why.

Dr. Couch is from The South. The DEEEEP South, graduating Duke in 1950. His speech is the deep drawl of Foghorn Leghorn, with the creak of age. He cuts right to the chase. He asks questions: How many chidrin y'all have? Y'don't want none? Whatchoo do fo a livin? What's that? He is straight up funny too. He whips out his diagram to show me how it's done (and where I must be shaved). He asks the same question repeatedly. Either he doesn't understand our yankee Chicago dialect, or he's senile. Either way, it's fun.

Off to the procedure. Now I have pause. Like I said, no fear - but these are my nuts we're talking about. My wife is there, so I'm not going to look like a wuss. Off with the pants, and into the position that most women have to assume at their own doctor's office. What the hell, right?

Dr. Couch gets to shaving, which is uncomfortable and makes it hard to sit still. Then to the cleaning and anaesthetising. The little needle was definitely noticeable, but nothing shocking. What made this better was that Dr. Couch spoke the entire time. And not about technical stuff. About other patients, about piloting his plane, about the gas prices. Eventually, the talk even turned to marijuana and hookers in Amsterdam (which Dr. Couch ensured us that he could not partake of because his wife was there). We are laughing the entire time. He is cutting, snipping, pulling, and sewing away, and my wife and I are laughing to the point of tears. Everything was pecker, balls, shit - but more like "peckahhh, baaawls, sheeyit"). Either the man is crazy/senile, or he is an absolute bedside-manner genius. I sensed a razor sharpness in his eye when he thought I was in pain, and my wife noted his hands of stone for a man that age. He was efficient, fast, and no BS (other than the dialogue). Either way, it was a surreal but fantastic experience. Maybe you had to be there.

30 minutes later, I was done. I felt almost nothing. Some pressure here and there, a little discomfort. Nothing. It's 8 hours later now, and my nuts-Novocaine has worn off. I have ice on my boys for safe measure, but I really feel no pain. When I move, there's the slight sensation of being kicked in the balls two days ago, if that makes sense. Tomorrow may be sore, who knows? But all in all, it was nothing.

If you decide to get fixed, see this man. He's old, so you may not have that much time. I would gladly have him cut another hole in my sack just for the entertainment value. Seriously.

I hope you enjoyed reading about my privates. And for the ladies of DAMN, I hope you see this for the lighthearted, fun tale of testicular misadventures that I intended it to be.
:lol2:

Not so sure about riding a motorcycle tomorrow. :?

User avatar
Bucho
DAMN Grand Poohba
Posts: 4880
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 10:57 am
Contact:

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Bucho » Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:49 pm

Ha, ha... Thats the same super old guy who did mine!!!!
I remember sitting in his office waiting for him and looking at what year he got his Doctorate, and trying to figure out how ridiculously old the guy was, and if I should be letting some senile guy do this. But w/ his vast experience I figured it would be okay.
He did me up last fall, about 8 weeks after our baby was born. We decided Caleb would be our only one. I also had a Saturday morning appointment. That night we drove to IL to visit my folks. I was a little worried about pain/soreness. Luckily not too bad. With my wife tending to the baby, I still had to walk the dogs. I definently wasn't jogging and could feel it but tolerable.
If anyone is having this procedure done from Dr. Crouch, shave yourself first. That was almost the worst part. That and I think the last stitch and a half I could feel, like it was outside the area of the local anestetic or something.
Suzuki DR650
Beta Xtrainer

User avatar
Rut Row
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 9235
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:39 am
Contact:

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Rut Row » Sun Jun 15, 2008 6:37 am

Now we understand the reason for the long ride - wanted to do it whilst you still had some balls. :harhar:

I had mine done when I was living in Indiana. The doc had a new nurse to help him and they obviously hadn't been working together long. He was white. She was black and very attractive. I would have preferred an ugly nurse to avoid personal embarrassment... :lol2:

While he was doing his they they were chatting. He grew up in the south; so did she. Turns out they lived in the same town. His great grandparents had a plantation. Hers had been a slave. I didn't think too much about it until he says "Heck, my family could have owned yours." :-o

I could feel my testicles retracting. I just knew she was going to carve both of us up with the scalpel in her hand. But she laughed and I walked out disconnected, not dismembered. :bandit:

I had mine done on Friday afternoon and Monday I was real sore but could go to work.
Ken
2016 EM Sport Electric Trials :drool:
1972 Honda CL350 Scrambler (project)
Die young as late as possible, remember who you were before the world told you how it should be. -- Barry Morris

Teethgrinder

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Teethgrinder » Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:54 am

Ah! So more of DAMN is surgically altered that I thought! :harhar:

It's been 24 hours now, and no real issues. I can definitely tell "something went on down there", but it doesn't seem to be stopping me from doing anything. (Still opting out of motorbike saddles for a bit. It just seems like a recipe for disaster - that unexpected fuel-tank/sensitive parts interface that we all must endure occasionally may prove more than annoying if I had to stop quickly :-o )

I might even take the wife's CAR to work tomorrow (I haven't driven a car in a month, I think). Of course, that's if I don't decide to use this as an exuse for a long weekend. :mrgreen:

Panther

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Panther » Mon Jun 16, 2008 12:22 pm

Y'all have got more...uh...guts than me. The wife has suggested it, but I'm waaay too chicken for that.

Roadracer_Al

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Roadracer_Al » Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:15 pm

Is it just me or is it ironic that this is in "Jo Momma" which sort of implies maternity, and therefore, paternity?

User avatar
Rut Row
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 9235
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:39 am
Contact:

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Rut Row » Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:50 pm

Roadracer_Al wrote:Is it just me or is it ironic that this is in "Jo Momma" which sort of implies maternity, and therefore, paternity?
:harhar:
Ken
2016 EM Sport Electric Trials :drool:
1972 Honda CL350 Scrambler (project)
Die young as late as possible, remember who you were before the world told you how it should be. -- Barry Morris

Teethgrinder

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Teethgrinder » Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:51 pm

Panther wrote:Y'all have got more...uh...guts than me. The wife has suggested it, but I'm waaay too chicken for that.
It really was nothing like you'd think. A bit surreal, a little uncomfortable, but no sweat. :ride:

Panther

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Panther » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:13 pm

I'd probably crap myself. The idea scares me nearly honest. One buddy reported having to use ice packs and had lotsa pain. :-o

Hey, I'd take a pill every day. Vasectomy -- no thanks.

User avatar
Rut Row
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 9235
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:39 am
Contact:

Re: I just had to tell someone.

Post by Rut Row » Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:15 pm

Panther wrote:I'd probably crap myself. The idea scares me nearly honest. One buddy reported having to use ice packs and had lotsa pain. :-o

Hey, I'd take a pill every day. Vasectomy -- no thanks.
I'd say ya got "no balls" but that doesn't seem appropriate in this thread... :harhar:
Ken
2016 EM Sport Electric Trials :drool:
1972 Honda CL350 Scrambler (project)
Die young as late as possible, remember who you were before the world told you how it should be. -- Barry Morris

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests